As the Potter World Turns...
by Polite Sneer
Summary: Well in this Harry Potter message board there was an RPG and this is it :-) There is a lot of love but it is very funny. And please note that didn't write all of it. Oh yes, just one more thing, this is an HP Soap Opera.


Hi everyone! This is a very funny Harry Potter Soap Opera that I hope you like! Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even most of this fic.  
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"Oh, Trevor!" Hermione cries, thrusting her hand on her forehead. "How could we ever explain to this prejiduced world the complicated relationship of a toad and a girl? How could they ever understand?"   
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"Ribbit," Trevor responds, empathy evident in his voice. He hops aimlessly around the corridor, then turns his eyes to face Hermione. "Ribbit?" Her attention is drawn to him, tears welling in her eyes when she hears his pleading tone. "Ri...Ri...RIBBIT!!!"   
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"Oh!" Hermione's voice chokes and she sobs melodramatically. "I can't believe it! I refuse to believe it!" She turns, holding her head back and lowering her lower lip. "You could never choose Mrs. Norris over me - NEVER!" The desperation adamant in her voice, she turns, eyes narrowing. "You'll pay for this, Trevor! You'll pay for breaking my heart!"   
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The music swells up as Trevor utters a froglike gulp, and the scene fades with an eloquent, "Ribbit."  
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Mean while, another scene comes into play. There you see the boys dormitory. In the distance, you hear talking.   
"Oh, Harry! Why must we keep out love a secret?" Ginny Weasly cries.   
"Because," he replies, " No one would be able to take it in. We would be the laughing stalk of the school."   
" I don't see how that is possible," Ginny replies irritated.   
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Soon, Harry and Ginny appear...   
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"Because!" Harry yells, "Me, a boy who could get virtualy any girl in the school chooses to be with my best freinds little sister."   
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There is silence and than Ginny speaks with tears in her eyes, "You're ashamed of me, Harry! You are! Am I too poor? Is my hair too red? Tell me!" she yells as she runs out the dormitory in tears leaving Harry to stare at an empty space where she once was.  
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Ginny ran down the hall, blinded by tears. She ran into someone in the hall and she stuttered out an "Excuse me"   
It was Colin Creevey.   
"Ginny? Are you okay?" She kept sobbing.   
"Harry hates me! He's ashamed of me! He doesn't want people to know we are going out!" She cried.   
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Little did she know, the combination of her clutching onto him and the heartbreak of her words almost tore him in half. He was madly in love with her, but always kept it to himself.   
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"How dare he treat you like this!" Colin whispered half to himself, half to the sobbing Ginny. He reached into his robes and produced a handkerchief. She blew her nose, and he made a "keep it" motion.   
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"Stay here, Ginny. I'll deal wih him." Ginny stood there, bewildered, as Colin half stomped, half ran to the boys dorms.   
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As soon as he came into the room, he slammed Harry into the wall.   
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"What's your problem? Ginny deserves better than that! I guess you're too full of yourself too notice that, huh? She was sobbing, she ran into me. You didn't even go after her!" He slamed Harry into the wall once again.   
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"Hey! She's MY girlfriend, I'll do what I want!" Harry yelled, and the two broke into a fistfight.   
Mean while, Ginny stood in place, trying to stop her tears as some one approched her in the hall...   
It was Hermione. She too was upset.   
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"What's wrong, Hermione?" asked Ginny.   
" Oh Nothing. Oh Ginny!" Hermione said as she realized Ginny was crying, "what's wrong with YOU?"   
Ginny paused. No one knew about her and Harry but she had already blabbed it to Colin so why not Hermione? They were soon to break up any way. " Me-me-me and Harry go out," she said quickly. " And he doesn't want any one to know." Ginny began sobbing again uncontrolably, " He's ashamed of me!"   
Hermione stood there, open mouthed. At the same time she was sad and yet happy. Poor Ginny, she thought but than the little devil appeard on her shoulder.... " Ya always liked Harry, didn't ya Hermione? Well, go out with him when THEY, " he said as he pointed to Ginny, "break up. It'll be a great way to get over Trevor and make him jealous at the same time."   
Hermione noticed Ginny staring at her and than snapped out of her trance, "Oh," she said, trying not to let go of a smile," that's horrible. Let's go ... see... your brother!"  
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Lavender bumps into Ginny and Hermione as both of them walk outside of the common room. "Where are you going? Are you going to visit Ron at the infirmary?" she asked.   
"Yes," Ginny said, with her eyes red.   
"What's up?" Lavender asked.   
"Er..." Ginny was starting.   
"Nothing, she just hurt herself in an armchair." Hermione asked quickly.   
"Oh well", Lavender said, "Can I go with you?"   
"Sure!" Hermione said, knowing how upset would Lavender be if she didnt see Ron, she knew she had a crush on him.   
The three girls walked out of the room, and went into the infirmary. They opened the door and saw both Dumbledore with his lips red and Madam Pomfrey with a silly face.   
"Um... I was already leaving..." Dumbledore said.   
"We'll talk later," Madam Pomfrey said, as Dumbledore walked out.   
Ginny and Hermione burst into nervous laughter, but as they saw Madam Pomfrey's angry face they stopped. They asked if they could get in to see Ron.   
"Well, he's already got a visit. Who goes first?"   
"I do", said Lavender promptly.   
Lavender walked in, all cheerful to see her crush. But as she walks in...   
Parvati, her best friend, was kissing Ron as if they were dates...   
"OH NO.... PARVATI!!!" she said, and she run away again to Ginny and Hermione, leaving Ron and Parvati (who were dates for a long time secretly, and loved each other). Ron was speechless, and Parvati was worried.  
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"Um...hey!" Hermione murmured, as she and Ginny peered into the infirmary. Grinning at catching Ron and Parvati, whom she'd always assumed adored each other, she let out a small laugh. "Well, I can see you feel better, Weasley." Ron's face turned to the colour of his hair, and Parvati edged toward the door.   
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"Hullo, Ron," Ginny sniffed, her eyes still quite red and her face soaked with tears. She pursed her lips and gave him a piercing stare. "You know, you've got quite a jerk for a best friend. That Harry - nothing but trouble."   
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"Nothing but trouble," Hermione agreed, giggling to herself. Ginny gave her an odd look, and Hermione brought her grin to a thin line, her eyes still dancing. "Really, Ron...You OUGHT to know better!" Her voice, dripping with sarcasm, caught Ginny's attention, and she rose a cautious eyebrow.   
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Ron was, if possible, even more confused. "Um...so I suppose you aren't madly obsessed with him anymore, Ginny?" She shook her head firmly. "And you, Hermione, look like you've eaten a Bertie Bott bean made of pure sugar." Hermione gave a nervous gasp, but soon the room rang with the echo of his words.   
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"THE CODE WORD WAS SUGAR!" boomed a voice from nowhere. Suddenly, Snape bounded from the closet door. "WHICH OF THEM IS DUMBLEDORE'S SPY?" he demanded. Everyone was mystified at this sudden outburst...  
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Lavender ran down the halls to the Gryffindor common room.   
"Password?" askedthe fat lady.   
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"Snitch," Lavender replied with tears in her eyes.   
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The fat lady's portrait swung open and Lavender ran to the sprial girls stair case, not noticing Harry sitting in the corner.   
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"Lavander?" Harry said.   
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Lavender turned around, "Oh, Hi Harry," she said, clearing her eyes of tears and noticing his black and blue eye. "What happened to you?"   
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Harry smiled, " Got into a bit of a scuffle with Colin Creevey. Jealous git." Hary laughed, " You should see him."   
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Lavender smiled.   
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"What about you?" Harry asked   
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Lavender turned her face, "Ah.. nothing really. Ya know, you have a horrible best friend." she added.   
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Harry smiled.   
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For a while, Lavender and Harry talked and when Lavender went upstairs to get dressed for dinner, she ntoiced that she had developed a crush on Harry.   
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"Who cares about Ron, " she mutered to herself.  
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Moments after Lavender went upstairs to get changed, Hermione and Ginny walked into the Common Room.   
"Ginny-" Harry began bue she ran by him so quick, he didn't have a chance to say a thing.   
Hermione looked at Harry, "Love problems, eh?" she said with a smile on her face.   
Harry wasn't suprised. he had guessed that Ginny woudl tell every one. "Yep," he replied. " I don't knwo what do, Hermione. I mean, I DO like her, but ... I guess I AM a bit ashamed of her.   
Hermione nodded, "Ah.. I supposed you would much rather like a girl your age? Some one with beauty," she flicked her hair and smiled, "brains, and a great personality."   
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Harry nodded. "Yep."  
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"And you deserve it!" Hermione burtsed in a bit too loudly.   
Harry smiled, "I think I know just the right person." he gazed at Hermione as he thought of Lavender. " You think Lav'll ever go for me?"   
Hermione was shocked. "Lavender?" she said puzzled. She had obviuosly thought that gaze was meant form her. "Oh Harry! Ginny was right! You're just HORRIBLE!" Hermione got up and ran to her common room.   
"Hi, Hermione," Lavender said with a smiel oin her face.  
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"Oh, SHUT UP!" Hermione yelled back as she shut her curtians around her four-poster bed.  
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Hermione was furious, as she slid the curtain closed around her.  
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"Harry, Lavender...I'll get them back! I'm sick of all of this!" She growled. Her eyes lingered on her black backpack. She thought for a moment, then opened it. She pulled out a musty, dusty book.   
"Lumos." Hermione whispered, and she held her wand up. She looked at the text, with tiny print, until she came across what she would need.  
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"No...that's too mean." She smiled to herself. Then she frowned.  
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"But every single one of them deserve it." She said to herself. She began reading.   
"I'll get my revenge..." She murmured.  
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Soon it came time to eat dinner. All of Gryffindor went down to eat.   
Hermione dashed by Harry, where she usually sat, and took a place with Ginny and Colin.   
"So nice to see you," Colin said in a sarcastic and annoyed voice.   
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Ginny gave Colin a sharp look and noticing Hermione's look of mixed emotions, began to question Hermione. "What's wrong? she asked?   
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Hermione looked at Ginny and smile, " Oh, Ginny! You're such a good friend! I'm sorry."   
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Not knowing what Hermione was sorry for and afraid to ask another questoin, Ginny began to eat.   
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Soon, Lavender and Parvati came down to eat. Hermione's face turned red with anger. Under her breath, she muttered (words that wouldn't be allowed to say in the fourm).   
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Ginny and Colin looked at her and said nothing.   
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Hermione watched the girls take there seat near Harry. " THAT'S IT!" Hermione yelled.   
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Every one turned to look at her.   
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"What a weirdo," Padma Patil muttered at the Ravenclaw table.   
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Hermione, with her keen sense of hearing, turned around and Harry blows up!   
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"Harry! Harry!" says Lavender in tears. Then she sees Hermione. "You evil, evil, evil person!". Everyone stares. "I know what you do at night. You might think I'm asleep but no, I'm not. You always make out with Neville's frog!". Neville looks with shock. "Trevy?" he asks his frog. "Didn't you say I was the only one for you?" Padma Patil looks at the Gryffindor table and then says "they should change it from house of the brave to house of the weirdos. Really."  
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"It's not like you don't have any oddness, PADMA," Parvati spat, giving her sister a sinister stare. "We wouldn't want to tell anyone about JUSTIN, would we?" Justin Finch-Flenchy, over at the Hufflepuff table, shivered and ducked under his chair.   
"No way," gasped Hannah Abbot, turning to him. "I thought...I thought..." She began to sob hysterically.   
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"Ribbit," Trevor said with affection, and the two hugged, running off into the corridor.   
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"Um, okay," Harry said, puzzled.   
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"HARRY!" Lavender dropped to her knees before him. "Will you marry me?"   
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"I'm fifteen," he responded awkwardly. "I'm too young! Unless you know my secret...that I've been taking the Polyjuice potion and am actually...LORD VOLDEMORT!" He cackled evilly, then looked around. "Oops...I didn't just say that out loud, did I?"   
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People all around gasp..."H-h-he w-who must nn-ot b-b-be n-n-named?" *Dumbledore briefly glances up from his plate and lifts his goblet* "For years, I have been telling people to call him by his proper name. He's right here in person, you've got him right before you, (what could be worse?) and yet you all are still afraid to say his name...VOLDEMORT." *then continues eating as if theres not a care in the world* *People and ghosts alike hiding under their tables (meaning the ones that haven't already fainted) shriek with mutters of "I have always thought Dumbledore has a loose bolt somewhere in there...but now i know!"  
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Voldie looks at every one for a while and than begins to laugh.   
Every body just stares, too scared to laugh at/with him.   
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"I can't believe you cowards! All this time you were affraid of ME when it has really been Wormtail doing all the distruction." Voldie said in a suprised voice.   
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Hermione and Ron gasp for they are the only ones who know about wormtail. Every one else just stares with astonishment.   
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Suddenly a half bald Harry bursts into the Great Hall. "It's HIM! Voldie! He's been making a poly--," Harry than realizes that Voldie its there and that every one must, most likely, know the secret.   
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No one says a thing, they are all just taking it in. Suddenly Dumbledore lunges out of his seat and begins to sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" at the top of his voice. He grabs Madame Pomfrey from the hospital wing, and they begin dancing to a fast-paced swing beat.   
McGonagall stands, and blushes, but coyly asks Voldie/Harry if he'd like to dance. The two begin dancing wildly around the tables, until real-Harry-with-little-hair grabs Hermione into his arms and the two join the partying. "Voldemort's been taking out pieces of my hair for five years for his potions, so please excuse this half-baldness. It should be growing back by now..." Suddenly, as if on cue, his hair all grows back.   
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Voldie/Harry begins to mutate completely into Voldemort, and McGonagall grins. "I must tell you all something," she says dramatically, "I've known about Voldemort all this time - and we are going to get married!" All of Hogwarts begins to throw rice on them and continue dancing.  
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Then Hagrid says "what about me Professor Dumbledore, sir? We've been going on dates for the past 10 years.". Dumbledore looks at Hagrid then says "Did you really think I was gay? Poppy and I have been going out for 10 years and 1 day. She also likes my ear muffs." "But I like your ear muffs too sir!"  
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Professor Sprout blushes and looks up at Hagrid. "I have a secret," she squeaks, her eyes widening pitifully, "I'm really in love with you! Size should never matter - love conquers all!"  
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Hagrid looks from Dumbledore to Sprout, then bites his lip. "I suppose I should go with someone who REALLY cares for me," he says, finally, running into the arms of the Ravenclaw ghost, the Grey Lady.  
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"Sorry Hagrid, but I already have a boyfriend."says Grey Lady smiling at Snape. Hagrid cries loudly. "But it can't be true! It just can't!" Hagrid says through his tears. "Why did you have to tell them. Wasn't it our alittle secret?" says Snape. "Oh shut up Snape." says the Grey Lady and then Snape cries with Hagrid.  
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Peeves can be seen from above, and Snape stops crying. "Peeves, I have to tell you something..." he says, "IVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU!" Peeves turns to Snape, "I love you Snape!" Peeves jumps in Snapes arms and they start dancing.  
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Everyone is dancing to the loud music coming from the walls. Everyone is exhilirated with the day's revelations. It is not until Terry Boot and Cho Chang bump into a frightened figure at the corner of the Great Hall that they notice Seamus.   
"What's the matter, Seamus!" yells Cho anxiously over the loud music. Seamus was covering his head with his robes and muttering to himself, obviously delirious.   
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With a look of blind horror, Seamus mouthed something to them. Terry and Cho exchanged looks of concern and kneeled down by him.   
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"What did you say?" Cho asked softly.   
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"I see dead people," said Seamus finally, "they're everywhere."   
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[fade out as Terry raises his eyebrows at Cho]  
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"Seamus," Cho whispered quietly, considerately. "We all see dead people. They're called ghosts." As if on cue, the Fat Friar approached and gave them a jolly wave. Seamus fainted with a frightened gasp. "I think that was a little too sudden," Cho warned.   
"I'm sorry, Cho," said the Friar, tears welling up in his translucent eyes. "It's just that ever since the Grey Lady..."   
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"Stop," Terry insisted. "I think we've had enough lost romances for one night."   
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Suddenly thunder rumbled the great hall, and Terry felt a cold hand on his shoulder...  
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He turned around to see...Moaning Mertyl! "Terry," She whispered, "when you die, you can share my toilet with me!" Looking disgusted he said, "I thought you liked Harry!" (Now how did he know that...) Mertyl eyes welled up with tears. "Well, *Sniff* I did, but ever since he started making out with that awful girl *Glares darkly at Parvati* in MY bathroom, I simply couldn't take it anymore!"   
Ron looked at Parvati. She looked at the floor. Ginny strode to Harry and slapped him hard. "That'll teach you!" She shreked, "first you dump me, now this! I'll never be able to trust you again!" While Mertyl watched the commotion with pleasure, Terry snuck out.  
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bSpecial Thanks to:Sparrow,Krissy,Trish,Trisana,Ginny,Megan Potter, Icicle, and Wren./b  
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I'll get more up soon!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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